When Will the Rollercoaster Stop?

I woke up this morning around 3:30AM EST. I couldn't breathe out of my nose. After handling that situation, I opted to go to my bathroom and proceeded to have an emotional meltdown. Jarred was snoring softly in bed, I knew that Mom and Dad were sound asleep as well, and so I just decided to have a little cry fest in my bathroom.

You may be wondering why I was crying in the first place. No one had called me any names, taken the toy from my hand as I was playing with it, or even bit me. However, when you get past a certain point in life, you discover that occasionally you just have to cry. Well, this entire pregnancy I've been pretty good at the "not crying at every little thing" game and even better at the "I can't quit laughing, even if the joke is 12 days old" game. Until this past week.

For some reason, my hormones have been on a rollercoaster that finally hit the peak and is now plummeting to the bottom of the drop. I know hormones are to blame for this sudden drop, but somehow, I just can't seem to mentally over come the emotional effects of those blasted hormones.

The thoughts that caused the cry fest this morning are still pretty tender. Mom and Dad are here right now. Mom gets to stay until next Saturday. Dad has to leave today. His flight takes off around 5pm so we'll have to head out around 3-3:30pm to get him to the airport. No big deal, I knew, that with his job, he'd only be able to stay a weekend. The problem I have with all of this is simple. This CHILD has yet do depart my womb and make it's grand appearance. We really hoped that Dad would get to meet his first grandchild. Right now, things are not looking so good.

I know that this child will come in his/her planned time. But it's still really upsetting to me to know that this is the FIRST grandchild for my parents and Mom may be the only one who gets to meet him/her. Matt & Brenda already have 3 grandkids, so it's not nearly as special as getting to have my parents here to meet this baby.

It really breaks my heart that my dad won't even get to hold his grandbaby for the first time until he/she is nearly 4 months old. We knew there was a risk of this happening, but we were supposed to be due on Wednesday, for cryin' out loud! And now it's nearly 6AM and Dad is going to have to leave in about 9hours. I have very little confidence that this baby will pop out between now and 3pm.

I know God has His perfect timing and this child will come when it is His time. I just really hope that I can find the strength to hold on to that fact and not get too out of control over it. Blasted hormones just won't let me hang on to this with more than just my mind... My heart is what really needs the reassurance and that's where I feel like all the hormones are attacking me...

Lindsey