I woke up this morning around 3:30AM EST. I couldn't breathe out of my nose. After handling that situation, I opted to go to my bathroom and proceeded to have an emotional meltdown. Jarred was snoring softly in bed, I knew that Mom and Dad were sound asleep as well, and so I just decided to have a little cry fest in my bathroom.
You may be wondering why I was crying in the first place. No one had called me any names, taken the toy from my hand as I was playing with it, or even bit me. However, when you get past a certain point in life, you discover that occasionally you just have to cry. Well, this entire pregnancy I've been pretty good at the "not crying at every little thing" game and even better at the "I can't quit laughing, even if the joke is 12 days old" game. Until this past week.
For some reason, my hormones have been on a rollercoaster that finally hit the peak and is now plummeting to the bottom of the drop. I know hormones are to blame for this sudden drop, but somehow, I just can't seem to mentally over come the emotional effects of those blasted hormones.
The thoughts that caused the cry fest this morning are still pretty tender. Mom and Dad are here right now. Mom gets to stay until next Saturday. Dad has to leave today. His flight takes off around 5pm so we'll have to head out around 3-3:30pm to get him to the airport. No big deal, I knew, that with his job, he'd only be able to stay a weekend. The problem I have with all of this is simple. This CHILD has yet do depart my womb and make it's grand appearance. We really hoped that Dad would get to meet his first grandchild. Right now, things are not looking so good.
I know that this child will come in his/her planned time. But it's still really upsetting to me to know that this is the FIRST grandchild for my parents and Mom may be the only one who gets to meet him/her. Matt & Brenda already have 3 grandkids, so it's not nearly as special as getting to have my parents here to meet this baby.
It really breaks my heart that my dad won't even get to hold his grandbaby for the first time until he/she is nearly 4 months old. We knew there was a risk of this happening, but we were supposed to be due on Wednesday, for cryin' out loud! And now it's nearly 6AM and Dad is going to have to leave in about 9hours. I have very little confidence that this baby will pop out between now and 3pm.
I know God has His perfect timing and this child will come when it is His time. I just really hope that I can find the strength to hold on to that fact and not get too out of control over it. Blasted hormones just won't let me hang on to this with more than just my mind... My heart is what really needs the reassurance and that's where I feel like all the hormones are attacking me...
Lindsey
07 November 2010
The Visit!
Mom and Dad flew into PA on Friday night. I was so excited to see them! It seemed like it had been FOREVER since I had seen them last (even though it had only been since July). We spent a part of the evening just catching up and finally went to bed. Jarred had to work that night, so he didn't get to see them until the morning.
Saturday morning, we all got up; Jarred had been a busy guy from the time he came home until we were all awake. He had cinnamon rolls baking in the oven and a coffee pot just begging to have its "on" switch flipped! We spent a good hour and half just sitting around the dining room table chatting and hanging out. At several points throughout, my dad would look at me and say, "Well, bud? What're you waiting for?" We of course knew this was said in a joking manner as there was nothing I can do to "help" the kid come out...
We took Mom and Dad out and about through the big ol' town of Reading, PA. (P.S. For those of you who are not familiar with Reading, it is actually on the board in the game of Monopoly. We live minutes from the Reading Railroad...lol!) After checking it all out, we decided to get some lunch and then find somewhere for us to walk this baby out of me! Mom has only been to the Northeast a couple of times (literally, this is her second, thus making it a couple!) and hasn't seen much beyond Hershey PA. So, Jarred suggested that since Philly was only an hour away, we could go see Philly and "Have Lindsey run up and down the 'Rocky Steps' at the Art Museum a bunch of times." Wow. Really Jarred! Sigh...
Mom was all kinds of excited, and I don't blame her. It was about an hour to get over to Philly and we found a place to park. We then went wandering the streets to find the historical sites and see what all we could see. The Liberty Bell had a line about a mile long wrapped around the building where it was housed and so we opted to press our noses against the glass where you could look through and see the bell hanging out. We continued walking around and sightseeing until we had our fill, then made our way back to the car and drove to the "Rocky Steps".
At the Art Museum, there were quite a few people milling around. We checked out this statue of George Washington surrounded by random half naked people and animals. There was a statue of Rocky near the steps that people were lined up at to take their picture. And then we made the climb. I've got to be really honest here... the climb up those steps is really not bad, until you get a break in between every 12 steps... those landings between steps are killer! They tease you into thinking you are done. Then you reach the next section and lifting your foot up the 4 inches (give or take...) to make it from the landing to that next step is rough! Had the steps been continuous, I think it would have been easier. But then again, what do I know!
I'm pretty sure that most of the people we saw there weren't going into the Art Museum to gain cultural perspective. They were mostly there just to run/walk the steps and take random photos of them jumping into the air with victorious grins on their faces. It's amazing to me that pop culture has completely over taken this Art Museum. Yes, the Rocky movie has drawn a lot of attention for a long time to this place. But I can't help wondering if this has actually caused the museum to become more profitable, or if it has become just a place for people to run to and head home.
We decided that after all that walking and stair climbing it was time to head back. Once we made it back home, Jarred just about crashed onto the sofa. He stays up for so many hours in a row that he just ends up dead tired. So much for encouraging him to go to bed when he gets home from work. Oh well, he's a grown man and will do what he wants...We finally got a bit hungry, so we ordered pizza and ate some supper. Dad and I then headed to the Wally World to see if we couldn't encourage some "tummy cramps" to help my uterus along with "sympathy cramps" and hopefully cause some contractions.
We got back from our trip to find Mom playing on her iPhone and Jarred and Prince completely knocked out. I was able to "encourage" (read, drag!) Jarred off the sofa and guide him to the bed. Mom, Dad and I stayed up a bit longer and then I finally retired to bed. We were really hoping that there would have been some action last night... but alas, there was not. So we shall see what today brings as far as baby is concerned.
Until next time,
Lindsey
Saturday morning, we all got up; Jarred had been a busy guy from the time he came home until we were all awake. He had cinnamon rolls baking in the oven and a coffee pot just begging to have its "on" switch flipped! We spent a good hour and half just sitting around the dining room table chatting and hanging out. At several points throughout, my dad would look at me and say, "Well, bud? What're you waiting for?" We of course knew this was said in a joking manner as there was nothing I can do to "help" the kid come out...
We took Mom and Dad out and about through the big ol' town of Reading, PA. (P.S. For those of you who are not familiar with Reading, it is actually on the board in the game of Monopoly. We live minutes from the Reading Railroad...lol!) After checking it all out, we decided to get some lunch and then find somewhere for us to walk this baby out of me! Mom has only been to the Northeast a couple of times (literally, this is her second, thus making it a couple!) and hasn't seen much beyond Hershey PA. So, Jarred suggested that since Philly was only an hour away, we could go see Philly and "Have Lindsey run up and down the 'Rocky Steps' at the Art Museum a bunch of times." Wow. Really Jarred! Sigh...
Mom was all kinds of excited, and I don't blame her. It was about an hour to get over to Philly and we found a place to park. We then went wandering the streets to find the historical sites and see what all we could see. The Liberty Bell had a line about a mile long wrapped around the building where it was housed and so we opted to press our noses against the glass where you could look through and see the bell hanging out. We continued walking around and sightseeing until we had our fill, then made our way back to the car and drove to the "Rocky Steps".
At the Art Museum, there were quite a few people milling around. We checked out this statue of George Washington surrounded by random half naked people and animals. There was a statue of Rocky near the steps that people were lined up at to take their picture. And then we made the climb. I've got to be really honest here... the climb up those steps is really not bad, until you get a break in between every 12 steps... those landings between steps are killer! They tease you into thinking you are done. Then you reach the next section and lifting your foot up the 4 inches (give or take...) to make it from the landing to that next step is rough! Had the steps been continuous, I think it would have been easier. But then again, what do I know!
I'm pretty sure that most of the people we saw there weren't going into the Art Museum to gain cultural perspective. They were mostly there just to run/walk the steps and take random photos of them jumping into the air with victorious grins on their faces. It's amazing to me that pop culture has completely over taken this Art Museum. Yes, the Rocky movie has drawn a lot of attention for a long time to this place. But I can't help wondering if this has actually caused the museum to become more profitable, or if it has become just a place for people to run to and head home.
We decided that after all that walking and stair climbing it was time to head back. Once we made it back home, Jarred just about crashed onto the sofa. He stays up for so many hours in a row that he just ends up dead tired. So much for encouraging him to go to bed when he gets home from work. Oh well, he's a grown man and will do what he wants...We finally got a bit hungry, so we ordered pizza and ate some supper. Dad and I then headed to the Wally World to see if we couldn't encourage some "tummy cramps" to help my uterus along with "sympathy cramps" and hopefully cause some contractions.
We got back from our trip to find Mom playing on her iPhone and Jarred and Prince completely knocked out. I was able to "encourage" (read, drag!) Jarred off the sofa and guide him to the bed. Mom, Dad and I stayed up a bit longer and then I finally retired to bed. We were really hoping that there would have been some action last night... but alas, there was not. So we shall see what today brings as far as baby is concerned.
Until next time,
Lindsey
03 November 2010
Due Date... Any End In Sight?
Wow. Today I have officially reached 40 weeks gestation! What a crazy thought! I have a few other thoughts that I just could not contain... Therefore I will share them with you. Lucky!
It's hard for me to believe that on March 2, 2010 we got a big fat positive on a home pregnancy test. We tried for a LONG time before getting that (2 years!). Before we were pregnant, but still trying, I could never imagine what pregnancy would be like. My finite brain just didn't have the capacity to dream about how my body would change, how my hormones would effect my emotions, what the baby would feel like when it kicked! It was all just so impossible for me to see in my mind's eye.
Now that I have been pregnant for 40 weeks, I'm having the same trouble. I can't imagine what life is going to be like with a mini-me or mini-Jarred in our lives! As hard as I try, I can't see myself in labor, at the hospital, screaming for my epidural and then pushing this child out. I also can't comprehend what it will feel like to no longer have this little person dancing in my belly!
I have only just reached that stage of pregnancy that most women call "uncomfortable". I've been greatly blessed with many pregnancy symptoms, but have only just now, at the very end of the marathon felt slightly less than great. I suppose it's all the extra hormones my body's producing for labor and the lack of space for the child in my very short torso.
A few weeks ago, one of the ladies at church asked me if I was ready for it to be over... This befuddled me. I had a very rough first 19 weeks with morning sickness/giving back everything I ate like clockwork, but once all that had passed, I felt much better. I never truly got the 2nd trimester "energy surge" but I no longer felt the need to give it all back! Braxton Hicks contractions started at 20 weeks, but I fully expected those to happen. They weren't fun, in fact they were pretty uncomfortable for me, but it was all just a part of the process.
I have literally just taken this pregnancy one day at a time. I don't think any other way would have worked for me. I still can't imagine not being pregnant because I can't see past supper tonight. I could very well go into labor at some point today, tomorrow, with in the next week... but I can't see any of that! Perhaps that's why I never really reached the uncomfortable stage until now. I have always known there was an end to this stage, but I guess I just never really dreamed about the day it would all be over. Perhaps a curse, most certainly a blessing!
I think that's how I'll approach motherhood too. Just taking it one day at a time. Of course that's an easy task to accomplish when you only have one, who is not yet involved in school or extra curricular activities, and are going to be a stay-at-home-mom. I'll know that there will always be an end to the day/night and that a new dawn "should" bring a new perspective. Granted, I've never been a mom before. So more than likely this little strategy of mine will fly right out the window after the first week of sleepless nights and only grabbing 2 hours of rest at a time...give or take!
But for now, I'm going to be flexible. This baby is due today. I don't expect it to come. My gut has been telling me Saturday, November 6th since back in April. I'm not really sure why, other than at our first ultrasound my gestational age was dead on with a November 3rd due date, but the baby measured 3 days smaller. Who knows, I may be proven completely wrong within the next 18 and a half hours!
Ok, it's time to feed the belly.
Lindsey
It's hard for me to believe that on March 2, 2010 we got a big fat positive on a home pregnancy test. We tried for a LONG time before getting that (2 years!). Before we were pregnant, but still trying, I could never imagine what pregnancy would be like. My finite brain just didn't have the capacity to dream about how my body would change, how my hormones would effect my emotions, what the baby would feel like when it kicked! It was all just so impossible for me to see in my mind's eye.
Now that I have been pregnant for 40 weeks, I'm having the same trouble. I can't imagine what life is going to be like with a mini-me or mini-Jarred in our lives! As hard as I try, I can't see myself in labor, at the hospital, screaming for my epidural and then pushing this child out. I also can't comprehend what it will feel like to no longer have this little person dancing in my belly!
I have only just reached that stage of pregnancy that most women call "uncomfortable". I've been greatly blessed with many pregnancy symptoms, but have only just now, at the very end of the marathon felt slightly less than great. I suppose it's all the extra hormones my body's producing for labor and the lack of space for the child in my very short torso.
A few weeks ago, one of the ladies at church asked me if I was ready for it to be over... This befuddled me. I had a very rough first 19 weeks with morning sickness/giving back everything I ate like clockwork, but once all that had passed, I felt much better. I never truly got the 2nd trimester "energy surge" but I no longer felt the need to give it all back! Braxton Hicks contractions started at 20 weeks, but I fully expected those to happen. They weren't fun, in fact they were pretty uncomfortable for me, but it was all just a part of the process.
I have literally just taken this pregnancy one day at a time. I don't think any other way would have worked for me. I still can't imagine not being pregnant because I can't see past supper tonight. I could very well go into labor at some point today, tomorrow, with in the next week... but I can't see any of that! Perhaps that's why I never really reached the uncomfortable stage until now. I have always known there was an end to this stage, but I guess I just never really dreamed about the day it would all be over. Perhaps a curse, most certainly a blessing!
I think that's how I'll approach motherhood too. Just taking it one day at a time. Of course that's an easy task to accomplish when you only have one, who is not yet involved in school or extra curricular activities, and are going to be a stay-at-home-mom. I'll know that there will always be an end to the day/night and that a new dawn "should" bring a new perspective. Granted, I've never been a mom before. So more than likely this little strategy of mine will fly right out the window after the first week of sleepless nights and only grabbing 2 hours of rest at a time...give or take!
But for now, I'm going to be flexible. This baby is due today. I don't expect it to come. My gut has been telling me Saturday, November 6th since back in April. I'm not really sure why, other than at our first ultrasound my gestational age was dead on with a November 3rd due date, but the baby measured 3 days smaller. Who knows, I may be proven completely wrong within the next 18 and a half hours!
Ok, it's time to feed the belly.
Lindsey
Dearest First Born,
I have a few things that I'd like to share with you. You are our first born child and with that comes a huge responsibility. While you are not yet departed from my womb, you have already impacted your dad and me in such a way that you will only understand when you have your first born. Can you handle it!
You're responsible for making us two of the happiest people on the planet and we haven't even had the chance to hold you or even see your face. That is HUGE! Unfathomable, even! You are also responsible for causing our hearts to explode with a love that we never quite understood until we saw that little tiny window of the pregnancy test that said "positive". Don't worry, there aren't any negative consequences to these things; that responsibility comes with the consequence that we will always feel overjoyed and an abundance of unconditional love for you, however long we get to have you on this planet.
Now, with all that being said, I have a few things that I'd like to promise you, once you hit our atmosphere:
1. No matter what, your daddy and I will love you unconditionally until the end of time. As you grow older, you will learn that unconditional love does NOT mean that: a. we will let you eat ice cream for breakfast (except on the rare occasion that you catch me doing it), b. we will never discipline you for your actions, and c. it certainly doesn't mean that we will hand you everything your heart desires.
2. We will teach you all about what it means to be a responsible, productive member of society. You will have everything that you absolutely need, a few things that you don't, and you will never have everything you want. We love you and that's why we'd ever consider doing this to you. Again, it's a difficult concept to grasp, but you will one day.
3. Life is not fair. It's even less fair with siblings. We pray that we can give you siblings. I realize that means that we're helping to cause life to be "not fair". But in this world, nothing is ever fair. There is one man who knows this better than the rest. Jesus Christ laid down his sinless life for you, me, your daddy, and every single person in this world so that we could have a relationship with God. We will teach you all about Him, his Father, and the Holy Spirit all in due time.
4. You will fall down, you will have your heart broken, and you will fail. No matter how much it will pain my heart to let these things happen to you, I will let them happen to you. I will also let you learn how to stand back up, dust yourself off, and grow into a stronger person because you will learn that you do have the strength to carry on. Let it be known that I will want to fix it for you each and every time, but if I were to do that, I wouldn't be loving you to the fullest capacity I possibly can.
5. Your ENTIRE family is "quirky". I am probably the "quirkiest" of us all. Sometimes, you may interpret these "quirks" into "craziness" and that's okay. I can also admit that I am slightly "crazy". Some of your family members have quirks that you will come to love, others... not so much. But even through all of our craziness and quirkiness, we love you dearly and that won't change.
There are so many other things that I could promise you... but most of those things you will learn as you grow with us. I have loved you from the day we found out about you, and I will continue loving you for eternity.
Love,
Your Momma
You're responsible for making us two of the happiest people on the planet and we haven't even had the chance to hold you or even see your face. That is HUGE! Unfathomable, even! You are also responsible for causing our hearts to explode with a love that we never quite understood until we saw that little tiny window of the pregnancy test that said "positive". Don't worry, there aren't any negative consequences to these things; that responsibility comes with the consequence that we will always feel overjoyed and an abundance of unconditional love for you, however long we get to have you on this planet.
Now, with all that being said, I have a few things that I'd like to promise you, once you hit our atmosphere:
1. No matter what, your daddy and I will love you unconditionally until the end of time. As you grow older, you will learn that unconditional love does NOT mean that: a. we will let you eat ice cream for breakfast (except on the rare occasion that you catch me doing it), b. we will never discipline you for your actions, and c. it certainly doesn't mean that we will hand you everything your heart desires.
2. We will teach you all about what it means to be a responsible, productive member of society. You will have everything that you absolutely need, a few things that you don't, and you will never have everything you want. We love you and that's why we'd ever consider doing this to you. Again, it's a difficult concept to grasp, but you will one day.
3. Life is not fair. It's even less fair with siblings. We pray that we can give you siblings. I realize that means that we're helping to cause life to be "not fair". But in this world, nothing is ever fair. There is one man who knows this better than the rest. Jesus Christ laid down his sinless life for you, me, your daddy, and every single person in this world so that we could have a relationship with God. We will teach you all about Him, his Father, and the Holy Spirit all in due time.
4. You will fall down, you will have your heart broken, and you will fail. No matter how much it will pain my heart to let these things happen to you, I will let them happen to you. I will also let you learn how to stand back up, dust yourself off, and grow into a stronger person because you will learn that you do have the strength to carry on. Let it be known that I will want to fix it for you each and every time, but if I were to do that, I wouldn't be loving you to the fullest capacity I possibly can.
5. Your ENTIRE family is "quirky". I am probably the "quirkiest" of us all. Sometimes, you may interpret these "quirks" into "craziness" and that's okay. I can also admit that I am slightly "crazy". Some of your family members have quirks that you will come to love, others... not so much. But even through all of our craziness and quirkiness, we love you dearly and that won't change.
There are so many other things that I could promise you... but most of those things you will learn as you grow with us. I have loved you from the day we found out about you, and I will continue loving you for eternity.
Love,
Your Momma
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)