Well, there is a LOT on my mind... I've had almost a full 24 hours to digest some information that totally rocked my world, flipped it upside-down, poured it into a blender, and mixed it all up...
About 8 months ago we trekked across the country from the east coast to the west coast. At first I consoled myself with the constant mantra "We're only here for a little while, we can always move back... this isn't a permanent move, etc."... and that's how I got by from November through April.
Back in April, Jarred had an interview for a pilot slot at a company based in PA... I was THRILLED! Things were sounding really good, we had a 1 in 8 chance of getting a slot out of the 1000s that applied to the company... It was looking very promising! So, Jarred comes back to the west coast after the interview, feeling really good about everything and I'm mentally preparing to move back... Packing away the loose things on the RV, getting someone to drive back with me in one of the cars, etc.
The day finally comes when we have our answer. A big fat NO... "We've decided to go with someone else, but appreciate your interest. If something else opens up, we'll be sure to call you. Blah Blah Blah"
I was CRUSHED.
After a short mourning period, I decided to throw myself full-throttle into our life here in Portland. Jarred and I became more involved with our church; we were teaching Children's Church one Sunday a month, we were covering Sunday School classes for friends who had things planned. We really got more into hanging out with other couples in our age bracket and in our same stage of life. We started to blossom and thrive!
For once in our life, as a couple, we really found our niche. While living in PA, we never cultivated relationships like these. There were several reasons of course... At our home church we were the only married couple under the age 37... We were babies in a sea of elders... But I really believe that if you don't get involved in your church and work for it, it will never work for you and provide what ever it is you are looking for. So we never got involved with small groups that were couples in our same boat.
Plus, being so close to family, there was always someone to sit and talk with, or somewhere to do something or other. We had no real reason to go looking for friends! But moving to a place where we didn't know a soul really helped us grow closer and become more dependent on God and what He was doing in our lives.
So, as I was saying before I digressed, we have really come to adore these people and really see them as a part of our family... or maybe we are a part of theirs! I honestly believe that God didn't provide us that job back in April because I made an idol out of it. I hadn't learned what He wanted me to learn yet and I was too focused on what that "JOB!" would mean for our little growing family.
And now, here I am, getting back to my original point, that God has flipped our little Portland branch of the Murphy family upside down and presented a possible opportunity that would take place almost immediately if He sees fit to allow it.
I'm scared to death. I have grown so attached to all these amazing couples, with the same kinds of values as us, who are growing their little families, and genuinely want us to be a part of their lives. I also don't feel like I've chosen sides between my parents and Jarred's parents. Way up here in the NW we are far from all family. I really want our baby to grow up knowing both sets of grandparents equally. I was prepared for visiting each side several times a year and dividing holidays up equally between PA and TX... what to do now?
I guess that no matter what the outcome, God is in total control and He does have a master plan for us. All I can do is pray that His Will becomes my heart's desire and pray that my nerves be soothed and my worries turn to praise.
Lindsey
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